As of Lately
As of July 
We're talking about July here, and my memories thereof. Hot and uncomfortable, and the first year ever that I had to work on the 4th of July. I'd like to say that that working on that day was indicative of the months to come, but really, it doesn't carry any association with it at all. Just me either not being pushy enough, or too damn nice to say no. Considering I still fired off a good $40 worth of dot class C fireworks that night, while earning an hourly wage, I can't chalk it up as a total loss.
We're also talking about an awesome trip to the Oregon coast for the Glenn Family Reunion. A trip that was anything but hot and uncomfortable. There I discovered God's idea of a lullaby as I slept with the window open, listening to the waves crash in and roll out against a rocky beach. This is possibly the most serene location I've ever been in my life. The coast was beautiful, albeit a little chilly. It was the first time I'd been at the ocean long enough to fully witness the effects of the tides. And having seen it, I have to say it's truly one of the most impressive forces in nature. It put my digital camera to the test, and the undying beauty of the scenery negated any faults in my photography. I couldn't have snapped a bad picture of this place if I tried. It came as a welcome break to a busy school year, and an opportunity to spend some quality time with family I don't often see.
As of Back to the Real
World 
July wrapped up as I expected July to wrap up. Hot, dull and lots of roast beef. I spend the last weeks of July and first weeks of August getting myself mentally prepared for school. I'm actually getting to bed not too long after I get home from work, which means asleep by 1:30 a.m. And come school rolling around, I'm finally getting used to getting up at 6:00 a.m. Let me emphasize that "getting used to" and "enjoying" are two entirely different feelings. Thanks to this experience however, I do now "enjoy" a hot cup of black coffee in the mornings. But all in all, I'm in the mindset for school. Which was something I had yet to achieve in semesters past. I load up my 25 pound bookbag with my books for the day, my laptop, and everything I'm going to need so that I don't have to come home until they day is over, and hit campus by 7:30 on a daily basis. I may or may not have anything to do that morning on campus. But I make it a point to develop a routine, a habit of being there, so that when I do have something to do, it's not out of the ordinary to be at the place it needs to be done. I spend $2.25 a day on (to date) the best biscuits and gravy I know of and an orange juice. One of my rudimentary two meals a day. If I don't have any homework, I read the paper. While I had never before read a newspaper on a daily basis, I have to say I felt only marginally more informed, and don't regret not doing in the past. But between the Manhattan Mercury, K-State Collegian, and yesterday's Sports Center, I felt enlightened enough to face a day of class and to dread the work that followed. All in all, it was a decent way to get through a day full of stuff that I wasn't looking forward to doing at all. And in the short term it seemed to be working well enough.
As of Don't Hurt Your Feelings
So I suppose now is as good a time as any to dig a little deeper. Not that I claim any of this as a catalyst or a factor to a situation, but it does fall into the timeline nicely enough to create a convincing argument. Be that as it may, I am not one to pass the buck, or even talk bad about anyone, no matter what they've done to me or anybody else. So if you're out there, I love ya! I don't care if you took my cat on purpose, just to make me feel sad. I love ya, and please don't hurt your feelings, but cause this is how I feel.
Slowly over the course of time we all learn how to define a relationship. I don't mean boy girl thing here, I'm talking about family, friends, co-workers, that dude you can't stand at the bowling alley, or lovers. I'm talking about what a relationship is, and how each is as different as the person it's with. I truly say I'm not a people person. I am good with people, but I don't like people at all. I'm the guy who sits at a party, jokes and laughs with the best of them, all the while, waiting until I can go home and have some "me" time. I'm a guy who hates talking on the phone, but hates even more being talked to by someone else while I'm on the phone. I have a list. It's not a written list, and it's not a unchanging list, but a list, nonetheless, of people I care about. People I will sacrifice my own well being for. I have a list of people I don't want to make mad. I have a list of people that annoy me. I have a list of people I love to be around. A list of people that inspire me. And I have a list of people that I never want to see again. And I do my best to make sure you never really know which list you're on.
All my life, there's been but one person I confide in, one person I trust above all others, and one person that I admire most, while still aware of their shortcomings. Chris, that's you, man. You know how songs talk about "standing up for someone, even when they're wrong."? I can do that with Chris. I love Chris. Not in that I want to make-out with Chris way. But a Godly love, in that I would sacrifice my own good fortune, if he were in need. And I know he'd do the same for me. I'm telling you this, because this is how I define a relationship. This is the template by which I measure all my other relationships. Whether it's with the boss, or with the girl I love. My relationship with Chris may not carry the same attributes of elderly respect I have for my father. Or the physical attraction I have for Andrea (yeah, I haven't told you about her yet). But it shares the same basic and pure love that I have for both. Representing the love in my relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.
As time rolls on, the phrase, "worth the time." Keeps popping into my mind. It's mid-August and for the past couple weeks, I've been evaluating who, and what is "worth the time." I'm thinking about the people I know, and the time I spend with people that I don't want to be around. I'm thinking about the things I do, my lifestyle in general, and wondering what is and isn't "worth the time." It took two years, and finally realizing that she didn't want me to have her phone number to realize that I was over Andrea. (Different Andrea, it'll make sense later.) And so for the past year I'd been looking for a girl that might like me. You know, like me for who I am, that sort of thing.
Sadly, all the people I know work at Arby's. This really limits the pool of candidates. Lest, don't judge them! A girl, Rachel, who had started working there seemed cute. And I really hit it off with her when I found out she went to a Math Camp. Now I wouldn't be caught dead at a math camp, but that's because I hate math. But the fact that she had gone to such a nerdy outing, made her seem far more attractive to me than the candy on the outside, who knows what's inside catches that came through the Aggieville real-estate. Poor girl got dumped by her boyfriend, who took her car (which had her house keys) over to another girl's house. My heart went out to her, and I tried to help her find the guy so she could at least get into her house. We couldn't find him, so I let her crash on the couch. Sparing the long story, that's how I met Rachel. Despite my better judgment, I went with the "let's just see what happens" mentality and decided to date this girl. And it was perfect. I loved Rachel! There was never any pressure to change who I was, and no pressure to change my morals. It seemed like we held all the same values. I really thought I'd found the one. I ragged on Chris for years for all the times he said he'd met the one. And now here I am! But what do you do when she says she likes another person? "Sucks for me." Was about all I could think. So I let her go. Well on the outside anyway. I still loved her, and was holding out for a chance to be together again. Remember how I described Chris? Saying how I admired him, but could still see his shortcomings? I never had that with Rachel. With Rachel, all I saw was good. After cheating on me and giving me the run-around. I still could only think of good things about Rachel. I'm thinking that's not such a good thing for a relationship. I get a chuckle now a days when I hear the song "The Trouble With Love Is." Because I truely was blinded, blinded enough that I actually did get back together with her, only to be dumped again in three days for the same guy I was dumped in the first place.
As of My Uncertain
Future 
After I broke up with Andrea, I went on this whole "mad at the world" kick. Which in retrospect was really stupid and a big waste of time. So I vowed not to go down that path again. I took some advice from Chris. He told me to write down everything I thought on a piece of paper, and to give it to Rachel. Not talk about it, not try to work it out, but to give it to her, and forget about it. So I did. Stayed up real late one night typing and re-typing my exact thoughts on paper. Finally I had to finish it up, because I had class the next day. Forget I was going to school through all this? I did.
Hello November! What has happened while I was gone? My get up, get coffee, get paper, get biscuits routine sure doesn't exist anymore. I'm half was through my make or break semester, and my grades are pretty much on par with the grades that have been keeping me out of the College of Journalism and Mass Communications at K-State. I spent some time, just mad at myself, for putting too much faith in my relationship with Rachel, and not enough faith in myself to compete in classes. I started playing the what if game. What if I hadn't gotten involved and kept up the paper biscuit routine? What if I would have worked less, and had more time for school? What if I hadn't eaten biscuits and gravy every single morning? I was thinking about all the possibilities. I knew what I wanted. I had a passion for radio, a true love for it. But I didn't know how to get it. I felt like I was on a big hamster wheel called K-State.
So here I am, hating school, I lost my girl, I hate my job, and I'm really just sick of everything and everybody in general. But let me set the record straight. I'm discouraged, but not depressed. I'm not suicidal, I'm just lacking a bit of motivation. I pride myself in remaining fairly chipper through just about any situation. So I'm just trying to think of a way to attain the ultimate goal of becoming a radio broadcaster. And K-State is just not working at all. So in a last ditch effort I start looking at other schools that might let me take the classes that I want. I'd always been curious to take a class I was actually interested in, and wondered if maybe, just maybe, I could be inspired enough to actually graduate from college. So as I researched schools, and their broadcast programs, and everything sort of started to point to one school. Winona State University. It had about everything I was looking for, small school, reputable college radio station, beautiful campus, and Minnesota. So it sparked one of the best mistakes I've ever made in my life, a weekend trip to Winona, Minnesota.
If in November, you would have told me that in December I would visit the Mall of America, drive down I-35 in the snow, make the decision to drop out of college, quit Arby's, and wind up with a great girl, I would have kicked you in the face, stole your lunch money and laughed at you uncontrollably. Maybe I just lack foresight. I had made the decision late November, that I had to do something about school. I had already dropped Japanese, the only class I enjoyed, because it left no time for homework in other classes, and my Digital Lab was eating me alive. It seemed like no matter how much I tried go gain ground on my GPA, it was exponentially not enough. If I needed to raise my GPA .25, I raised it .15. And the more classes you take, the harder it is to raise your GPA. So I seriously considered transferring to another school. I called Winona State University and set up an appointment for a campus visit and to talk to a counselor. I was a bit worried about making the trip on my own and went out on a limb and asked Andrea if she'd go with me. Not Andrea who said she "just wanted to be friends," which meant she "just didn't want to have anything to do with me." A much cooler Andrea. One whom I'd already broken her heart once between Rachels. One who despite my shortcomings stuck with me anyway.
I honestly didn't want another girlfriend. I was so sick of relationships that if another one went bad, I might just become homicidal and kill every female (save Helen Hunt) on the planet. But Andrea was persistent. So I said to myself, "Fine, if she wants to get to know Matt, she's gonna get to know Matt. So much Matt she can't stand it!" So laid it all on the line. I acted just as I would if I were enjoying my 'me' time. But instead of chasing her off, it turned out to be like 'me' time, only being with a better version of myself. It wasn't that we thought the same all the time, or liked all the same things, but rather the part of me that I was disappointed in, was made better by her. I have to say I was a little surprised, a little confused, and still a little apprehensive. Even today I'm confused as to what she sees in me. But I still treasure the time we spend together. Even if it is lost in Minneapolis!
I must note that on this trip, I achieved one of my life long goals. I visited Wabasha, Minnesota. Home to the movie Grumpy Old Men. We drove down the streets, and along the Mississippi River, and even stopped and took a picture of the sign as Slippery's. We were en route to Minneapolis, but were going to stop by Slippery's on our way home and have supper. Unfortunately getting lost on our way out of Minneapolis foiled that plan. But I rest easy knowing that I can mark a life achievement off my list. We visited the Mall of America. Big place, it is. My heart was set aflutter at the sight of a store full of nothing but Minnesota Vikings merchandise! They had everything except the one thing I wanted most. Vikings pajama pants. They had Vikings golf balls, Vikings socks, Vikings ear muffs, but no Vikings pajama pants. I stormed out in outrage. Well, perhaps not. Though I can say I've been to the Mall of America and didn't buy a thing. That's a small little victory over commercialism in my mind. Perhaps diluted by the fact that yes we did ride the roller coaster! It was almost too quiet. I'm used to the clanking of chains pulling you up, and the rattling of cars around the curves, but this was a well oiled machine and the fact that I felt so safe riding it, kinda took away from the fun. I mean, if there's not a chance you can die, then is it really fun?
As of Yuletide Overtime
School wraps up, and I'm still a little to afraid to look at the grades. I already know what they are, and know that another semester has come and gone, and I'm exactly where I was before. As of October I've been working part time at KJCK-FM in Junction City as a DJ on the weekends. I'm excited about it because it's finally my first real radio job, and I'm actually getting paid for doing something I love. But it's only 8 hours a week. All of a sudden. They start hitting me with just a ton of hours. I have the choice of calling in to Arby's or working at the radio station dubbing music onto a hard drive. One has lots of smelly beef and idiot customers, the other has me and a bunch of switches, lights and knobs. I won't lie to you. I thought long and hard. LONG and HARD about what I was going to eat for lunch that day. After all, it was the biggest decision of the day. A couple days of calling in, and Arby's said they weren't going to put me back on the schedule until I was available again. Let me ask you. Have you ever won the lottery? Ever got a Cobalt Blue Steel Red Rider BB gun for Christmas? Well, that's how excited I was. But I wasn't sure that I'd seen the last of Arby's until January rolled around.
As I sit at the radio station, recording my music onto the computer. I reflect upon a few business principles. Full output is producing at any point along the production possibilities curve. An increase in technology causes an outward shift in the production possibilities curve. And why pay a person to do what a computer can do for you. Recording music into the hard drive made it easy to line up music for the DJs, without having to switch CDs, but it also lends itself nicely to what is called Voice Tracking. That is a DJ coming in and recording a 4 hour show in 30 minutes, and letting it play over the air. I was effectively working at putting myself out of a job. Voice Tracking was scheduled to be "tested" in the coming weeks, and February's schedule which usually comes out a month in advance, wasn't out yet. But I continued to volunteer for anything I could, and over two weeks racked up over 100 hours at the radio station. On Friday the 23rd, a staff meeting was called. Six people were laid off from KJCK-FM. And Matt, was promoted to 'image director.' It was a huge sigh of relief! I am still part time, but I get more hours, and more pay. For all the time I put into school, all the grief and effort, to be praised for doing something I truly enjoyed was a welcome change indeed! My future in radio is looking bright, and I'm finally doing what I want to do! I have a reason to get up in the morning, and a job that I enjoy as much as my days off! That means everyday is a good day!
As of
Today... 
I've made the decision to pursue radio as a career full time. I'm currently not taking classes at K-State, but don't rule out going back someday. I love the campus, the people, and always the football! I'm still learning a ton about not only radio, but life in the working world everyday. God has put some tremendous people in my life. My Mom, who always told me to follow my dream, even if it meant doing it the hard way. My Dad and Carrie, who completely supported me when I decided to leave K-State. My Grandma and Grandpa, for thinking about me everyday. And yes Grandma, I got my breaks fixed yesterday! Wende and Brad, for having faith in me, and trusting the new guy at KJCK. Jason, with whom he and I share the ideal bachelor lifestyle! Chris, who has shown me that you can make anything work with love and determination. Biebs, who keeps me excited about life, and my life in Christ! And Andrea, who keeps me from ever getting down, always putting a smile on my face, and giving me something to look forward to each and everyday. I love all of you. But most of all, I have to thank the Lord. For teaching me patience and exercising my faith. Faith that through any adversity, He'll be by my side to guide me, and to rescue me. Praise Him!
What I love about today, is how exciting tomorrow sounds. Know I can't wait for tomorrow, to see what happens. And to be there when it does!
-Matt